More Christmas Fun!

You know, Jill, farting and burping are very important skills. I think that is the highest of praise from a 7 year old boy. I am sure they will only improve over the years.

Tonight was a night that started out with such promise and ended in hysterical sobbing because I wouldn't let my kids--none of whom have ever watched more than 5 minutes of a football game in their lives--stay up to watch the Civil War. We had the family Christmas party at my husband's office tonight without my husband, who is whooping it up in New York at the likes of Nobu instead of eating pizza and pumping the kids full of Capri Suns in his office's conference room. At least this year I wasn't sweating profusely due to the extreme stress of tracking the whereabouts of my children and I didn't have to worry about anyone accidentally getting on the elevator. We were driving home on 26 and I thought, "Hey, tonight would be a good night to go to Zoo Lights! No one will be there because of the game and we can get in and out quickly." If I had thought about it for more than 5 seconds, I would have discarded the thought due to the lack of amenities like gloves and hats, but it is CHRISTMAS, damn it, and I'm going to do the things that my parents never did with me. Turns out they were smarter than I am because quite frankly, Zoo Lights is a pain in the ass. So we detoured to the zoo and managed to park fairly easily. There was ooh-ing and ahh-ing at the beauty of the lights and the excitement of being at the zoo at night. Teddy said, "This is the best night of my life and you're the best mom I ever had!" as we walked down the long ramp. I thought we should ride the train first due to the arctic winds that were blowing so we wound our way through the extensive patron corral system for the train ride. The thought of standing all the way at the back of that corral was mind-boggling. But there was NO line tonight! We missed a train and had to wait for the next one and that's when the folly of my plan set in. It was COLD. No hats, no gloves or mittens. Finally the brightly lit train pulled into the station and we hopped on and sat in the cold metal seats for our 15 minute train ride through the zoo. Oh, it was a wonderful Christmas celebration with people singing carols and happy children and all was well until the train ride stopped, the adrenaline shut off, and did I say that it was COLD? Hot chocolate for 4 people was $10 and Owen couldn't make up his mind whether to drink it or not in between hugging every zoo worker dressed up as a monkey, a seal, or an elephant. And crying because he was so cold. I dragged everyone UP the long ramp to the parking lot but we had to spend 10 minutes stamping our hands for re-entry because of course we might want to get back in and then halfway to the parking lot everyone had to go to the bathroom. Then once we got home, everyone had to take a bath and get into pajamas and there was lots and lots of crying because everyone at school is watching the Civil War but us and we need to stay up and watch it because we're Beavers! (just so you know, I am mean.) I am now drained and I am already dreading next year's inevitable query: "When are we going to Zoo Lights?" No good deed goes unpunished.